Real Stories | Lauchlan

My PMH journey started when our son was born premature at 34 weeks. Although he arrived safely, the birth itself was fast and intense, and extremely hard on my wife who had to use all her strength and energy to bring our baby boy into the world. I was in total shock and not really understanding what the next steps looked like; with NICU team pumping oxygen into his small lungs – all I remember is my son gripping my finger tight as if to say, “we’ll get through it”.

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_"...all I remember is my son gripping my finger tight as if to say, 'we’ll get through it'."

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After leaving the Special Care Nursery when our son reached 37 weeks, my wife developed a mystery infection which meant she was readmitted into hospital. Doctors couldn’t figure out what it was, as they continued to try different antibiotics every few days until they couldn’t go any higher. This ordeal lasted over 3 weeks, each day in limbo and not having any answers.

It was honestly a living hell – watching my wife in agony and unsure if she would make it through, as I tended to my son every 3 hours (change, feed, swaddle and sleep). I was sleep deprived, not eating properly, and with nothing left in the tank, with a million thoughts racing through my mind, desperately wanting everything to be back to normal.

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_"It was honestly a living hell – watching my wife in agony..."

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It wasn’t until I took my son to our Maternal Health appointment at our local centre that I broke down completely; crying as we talked about his amazing progress. Our wonderful MH Nurse looked after my son as I picked up the phone and called ForWhen in an adjacent room.

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_"I was sleep deprived, not eating properly, and with nothing left in the tank..."

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As I spoke to the Navigator on the other end of the phone I could tell that she knew where I was at, and wasn’t trying to fix things or dismiss anything – but rather just listened without judgement, and understood what I needed. The weight lifted, and I was able to be supported as I looked after my family, with ForWhen checking in every few days and directing me to a Perinatal Psychologist.

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_"...I was able to be supported as I looked after my family, with ForWhen checking in every few days and directing me to a Perinatal Psychologist."

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I am forever grateful for that phone call as it proceeded to change my life and our lives for the better. I have since undertaken a Bachelor of Counselling to hopefully one day return the favour to other parents or secondary carers that might find themselves in need of support in what can be a very confronting time.

Thank you for everything.

We'd like to thank

Lauchlan

for generously sharing this story.

Learn more about mental health and premature birth

The unexpected journey of welcoming a premature baby can be a traumatic experience for the entire family. For both parents, the sudden shift from a normal pregnancy to the NICU is incredibly stressful. Fathers often feel the dual pressure of needing to be a rock for their partner while feeling helpless themselves. The NICU environment, medical uncertainty, and feelings of powerlessness can bring significant stress to everyone involved.

Your trauma is real: The experience of having a premature baby can be a source of significant trauma, anxiety, and grief for both parents. It’s okay to feel this way and to acknowledge that this is an incredibly difficult time. ‍
You matter, too: As a family, your emotional well-being is just as important as your baby’s physical health. Both of you need care and support to navigate this challenging period. ‍
The support you need: There are specific resources for parents of premature babies. You both deserve to get what you need, when you need it, and to feel supported every step of the way.