Real Stories

You can carry both, fear and hope, side by side. I realised those feelings were just another part of my grief journey.

My name is Kim, and I’m the proud mum of Alby and Rufus.

Alby was my first-born son and he was full of life. He loved cars, cake, and his favourite colour was “rainbow.” Even though much of his life was spent in COVID lockdowns, he was never phased. Puddle hunting and spending time with his family was all he needed to be happy.

‍

In July 2021, Alby died suddenly in his sleep at just three years old. He was otherwise healthy, and no cause of death was found - doctors suspect an undetected heart arrhythmia.

‍

My husband Greg and I were referred to Red Nose’s Hope and Healing group by our grief counsellor. That group became pivotal in our recovery. It was the first place we felt safe enough to express our grief openly, without needing to filter ourselves. The facilitators, along with the other families, gave us comfort, connection, and the reassurance that we weren’t alone.

‍

_"It was the first place we felt safe enough to express our grief openly..."

‍

I continued attending the group during my pregnancy with our second son, Rufus. It was a deeply emotional time. I felt full of anxiety, but also hope. I learned that those feelings could coexist. Even though it felt heavy and uncomfortable, it was all part of grieving while moving forward.

‍

Now, as a peer supporter, I feel privileged to offer the same hope and support I once received. It’s incredibly rewarding to sit alongside others in their pain and gently show them that, somehow, you can survive this life-changing loss.

‍

_"...felt full of anxiety, but also hope. I learned that those feelings could coexist."

‍

To those supporting someone after loss . please don’t try to fix or ‘silver-line’ it.

Just listen.

‍

Our babies aren’t replaceable, and they’re still very much part of our families.

‍

We'd like to thank

Kim

for generously sharing this story.

Today, we're shining a spotlight on the profound journey of loss and grief during the perinatal period. This can be the loss of a pregnancy, an infant, a birth experience, or even the loss of a future you had imagined. We want you to know that your grief is real, valid, and deserves to be acknowledged. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.

Your grief is personal: We know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's a journey that can feel isolating, but you are not alone in your feelings. ‍
The need for compassion: It's a natural human instinct to want to help someone through grief, but sometimes well-meaning efforts can unintentionally invalidate a person’s experience. Phrases that try to find a positive outcome often minimize a parent’s pain and can deepen their sense of isolation. What you truly need is simple, empathetic support.
‍Finding your community: You are not alone in your grief. There are communities and professionals who have walked a similar path and can offer the specific, empathetic support you need, when you need it most. This support is a "highly specialised field," different from other forms of mental health care.