Jessie's Story

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder before I became pregnant. After the birth of my first child, I struggled to do things like go to the supermarket or take care of myself.

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My first baby slept well; I received psychological support, and I recovered quickly.  Then I became pregnant with my second.

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Aware of my experience with my first, I reached out for psychological support early and practised CBT to prepare for my new addition.  Despite the preparation, my second little one brought his own challenges. He had reflux and needed to be rocked and held almost always.

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My game plan went out the window; he didn’t sleep well, and I could feel myself spiralling out of control. I was looking everywhere for support but consistently heard that leaving him to cry was the only way I could recover. I was told that feeding him to sleep was a problematic association, that I needed to get him to sleep independently in a crib, and that I needed to sleep longer hours so she could recover. 

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These recommendations undermined my confidence and made me feel worse because it was impossible to achieve with a sick baby and went against my values as a parent. Despite that, the message continued - get him sleeping independently in a crib, or you won’t recover.

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It was then that I found Little Sparklers’ peer support group and the solidarity of other parents whose children had medical issues, and parents who were struggling with their mental health but still wanted to meet their children’s need for sensitive, responsive care.  I found solidarity, support, and actionable tips to help my whole family balance everyone’s needs, and slowly I started to recover.

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It turns out getting him sleeping independently in a crib wasn’t the only way to recover. I could continue to meet his needs, support him when he was sick and in pain, and still recover my mental health.

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This experience set me on the path to building my self-regulation skills for those times when my little ones' behaviour and my anxiety interact and cause panic and anger. Still today, the skills I build during these hard times serve me well while parenting my little ones.

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I am proof that when we hold the parent, provide them with solidarity and the kind of support that builds them up rather than blames them and tells them they must parent out of alignment with their values, we can not only recover and thrive, but build and practice skills we need to continue to meet their children’s needs as they grow and develop.