Dr Nelu's Story

After losing our son, Red Nose became an important source of support for me. I first heard about its grief counselling through a medical mums’ pregnancy loss group, rather than through my professional knowledge as a paediatrician. Connecting with families who had lived through similar experiences helped me feel less alone.

I stayed with the same counsellor for more than two years, including through my return to work and my pregnancy with our rainbow baby. Because it was during COVID, our sessions were by phone, which was perfect because for months I could not leave the house. I later reached out again with my twin pregnancy. When the twins arrived prematurely at 29 weeks, having ongoing, professional and tailored support was invaluable during those frightening early days.  

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I had provided Red Nose’s practical information (such as what to do when a baby starts rolling) to parents many times previously, but it really supported me as I navigated early parenthood after a loss. Despite knowing the medicine, the practical advice was so useful during that time.

There is no book that can tell you exactly how to move through pregnancy after loss. My advice is to lean on your people when you need them, while knowing it is also okay to say no. Be kind to yourself, and accept support from family, friends, workplaces and healthcare professionals in the way that feels right for you.

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Today, I share my life with my husband, Julian, and our three daughters. Our eldest and our twins. Our home is full of life and love, but our son will always be part of our family. We held him for only 67 minutes, yet even eight years later we remember every moment in extraordinary detail. We think of him often, and our girls talk about their big brother. It confuses them that he is their older brother but forever a baby, but they still include his name in every card and bake cakes for his birthday – something my Red Nose counsellor taught me was helpful for children who have lost a sibling. His life was brief, but his place in our family is permanent.